As I was standing at the top of the stairwell, I gazed downward with utter and complete horror on my face- the horde; they had arrived. With their ragged clothing, broken speech, foodpacks spilling from their baggage, and a complete lack of decorum they trudged upwards- an enduring and manic gaze plastered over their unwashed and dirtied visages as they screamed obscenities and unintelligeble curses. What would I do? Doing my best to create a welcoming, but commanding voice, I uttered two simple words which for a moment paused their rampage and brought them into the more cultured surroundings they were in, “Tickets please.”

While the allusion to a barbarian invasion may seem a bit absurd, it is in fact very much what many Theater professionals feel when they see the audience make their way into the house. While we are dressed nicely and do our best to seem well spoken, respectful, and polite, we meet groups of people who enter wearing dirty or ragged clothing, speaking loudly and rudely, and utterly ignoring every rule or guideline set out before them. Therefore, I’ve compiled this short list to make it easier for patrons of the theater to understand some basic rules, guidelines.

1. Be on time

This is by far the most important thing I can tell you. Be on time. When you’re late, you disturb the entire audience and the cast when the ushers take you in at late seating (and if you think that they can’t see a door crack from on stage, you’re utterly wrong). Check the time of your ticket the day before. Then check it again the morning of. Plan to be at the theater an hour early just to be safe. If that means that you end up standing around for half an hour before the show, oftentimes you can easily find something to do to spend the time until they open the doors and let you within the theater. Consider it this way, what’s more valuable? 30 minutes out of the time that would otherwise be spent doing something probably mindless and not economic at home- or 30 minutes out of the time that the show is going on, 30 minutes worth of a $96 ticket?

2. No outside food or drink.

This is most likely the most often broken rule. People bring in food and drink all the time, thinking our ploy is to get more money from them by selling them our concessions. This is simply not true. At many houses, they get some revenue from the sale of food or drink, but at other houses, they contract out the concessions to other companies and recieve very little to no revenue from the sales of concessions and only get payment for the rented space.

The reason that food or drink is not allowed in many houses is because of the resulting pests such as rats, mice, and bugs from the resulting mess. When people bring food and drink into the theater, when there is a no food or drink rule, it means that the cleaning crew needs to spend more time cleaning up crumbs, spills, and wrappers, which results in overtime pay for them, which then gets bumped into your ticket prices. Keep the food and drink out, keep profit margins up, keep your tickets less expensive.

Now of course, this rule differs from theater to theater but in general, food and drink is not allowed inside the house (the seating area). Unless there is a sign posted saying that it is allowed, please consume your candy, soda, popcorn, whiskey sour, peanuts, mocha latte, sandwich, wine, pizza, fried chicken (yes, it happens) or other food or beverage in the lobby. Exceptions to this rule are of course dinner theaters where anything is allowed, and bottled water which is allowed in most theaters, and even occasionally soda if it is in their specified cups. To avoid any confusion, ask an usher as you walk into the theater if any food or beverage is allowed within the theater.

If the usher says food and drink is not allowed, please do not sneak it in. We see it, we know about it, and we will bust you- it’s really not that hard to watch for a hand to mouth movement, so you’re pretty easily spotted. Don’t make us do it, we really would prefer not to as it disturbs other audience members and causes embarassment for you, and us too. Just don’t do it.

3. No photography inside the theater.

This is probably the second most often broken rule. Inside the house of every Broadway theater, and most other theaters, you are not allowed to take photos within the house itself period. This means during pre-show, during the show, intermission, or afterwards. From time to time, you may not even be allowed to take photos within the lobby. It may seem ridiculous, but the rules are like that for a reason. The safety aspect of not taking photos within the theater during the performance may be obvious, but the legal reasons for not taking photos beforehand may seem a bit more obscure. Due to copyrights, people aren’t allowed to take photos of the stage at all, and oftentimes that includes the entire theater.

Keep in mind, that ushers and front of house staff aren’t there to make your experience worse, rather we’re just enforcing rules that the theater has already set out to improve your and everyone elses’ experience. Please don’t take photos after we’ve told you “no photography” because we then have to get management (who could go so far as to confiscate your camera or call the police as photography within theaters is prohibited by law within New York City). We don’t like doing it, but we have to, please don’t make our jobs any harder on us than they have to be.

4. No cell phone use within the house.

This rule is rather flexible but we would prefer you to keep your cell phone off at all times while inside the house itself. Too often do people think their phones are on silent when suddenly during Hamlet’s famous soliloquiy do we hear “To be or not to be tha- I like big butts and I cannot lie -t is the the other brothers can’t deny …” and while they fumble with their phone trying to silence it, the entire audience is disrupted. Please, please make sure your cell phone is on silent or off completely when the curtain is about to go up. If you’re not completely sure, shut it off and remove the battery to be positive. It’s much better than disrupting the show and recieving the ire of the entire cast, crew, staff, and a few hundred audience members. Cover your backside, shut it off while in the lobby, and don’t use it within the house.

5). Dress to the environment.

This one seems pretty common sense to me, but there are lots of people who show up to the theater in little more than a few beggar’s rags of denim and cotton and then complain about being uncomfortable. If you dress well, not only will you look better and fit in better with the decorum of most theaters (especially on Broadway) but you will in all likelihood be more comfortable. Theater seats aren’t designed with todays baggy and ragged fashion in mind- rather they’re set up for suits or dresses, which tend to be more form fitting. However, this guideline may not fit for every single theater. An easy way to figure out the style of dress you should follow is to call the theater itself before the night of the show and ask what the typical or suggested dress code is. If they say casual, then dress casually, but I would still strongly recommend that you avoid jeans and the sort because as I said, theater seats are made with dress clothes in mind and a pair of slacks with a button up shirt will be more comfortable than you may think.

6. Act as if you were at a funeral.

This sounds very goofy and is only half true. I say act as if you were at a funeral because while at a funeral, people speak quietly, move gracefully and more slowly, and try to disturb other people as little as possible. This is the same way that you should act at the theater. That’s not to say you should be somber and sad, but you can be lively, happy, and sociable, while staying quiet, civilized and polite.

First things first, try to avoid asking ticket takers un-necessary questions as they have a lot to do without having to answer other questions. If you ask them questions, you’re going to break their flow and slow down the entrance of other audience members into the theater. A better suggestion is to look around for anyone else that looks like they might be staff and ask them where to go. While they may not have time to say it, the ticket taker truly appreciates this as you are amongst the few more intelligent people.

Now, when I said you should be polite and quiet, I meant it. I meant you shouldn’t yell at members of your party, rather talk to them quietly. Do not open doors that are closed unless they’re marked bathroom or something such as that. Just because they let you into the lobby doesn’t mean that they’re ready to let you into the house yet,- wait for an usher to open the doors. You should pay attention to ticket takers, ushers, and other staff members, and what they have to say- if told to go somewhere, you should go there. They’re helping you, just trust them. Do not ask if you can change seats, the answer will always be “No” unless you have a medical reason for moving. The exception to that rule is Intermission. If after Intermission a seat is still unoccupied, you may generally have that seat, however, it is best to check with an usher first.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT mob a ticket taker, an usher, or any other staff member. Make a single file line with the person with the tickets in front and tell them how many are with you as you enter. This will make the walk-in as it’s called easier, faster, and much more organized. If you didn’t receive a playbill from the first usher but they directed you to someone else, there is a very high probability that the next usher will have a playbill for you, but if they tell you where to find your seat and don’t give you a playbill, just ask about them and they will most likely produce one very quickly.

If you need a bathroom, ask an usher or a director as you walk up to them. They may suggest you go directly to your seat and then go to the bathroom (as there is sometimes a shortcut from where you are seated) or they may just direct you to the bathroom and suggest you return afterwards or speak to an usher closer to where the bathroom is located (as there may be a shortcut to where you are seated from the restroom). Ushers will try to minimize the amount you need to walk because it decreases traffic and therefore decreases congestion as people try to make their way around the theater. Listen to them, they’re there to help.

7. Treat the area with respect.

This should be a basic guideline, but the number of times people suddenly become 9 year olds when faced with the concept of walking 30 feet amazes me. If you realize you’re in the wrong spot, do not climb over the seats to get to where you belong. This damages the seats and causes us to have to replace them, therefore lowering the profit margin, and making management decide to bump ticket prices. Decrease wear and tear on your theaters, decrease ticket prices. Please, don’t put your feet up on the balcony, the stage, the seat in front of you, anything like that. It’s rude, and causes sightline problems. Not only that, but it could cause a dangerous environment.

8. Do not put things on the stage or on the balcony rail.

The stage is a perfomance area. Unless you’re an actor, technical professional, or a staff member, you should not be on the stage whatsoever. You should not lean on the stage, put your playbill or coat there, or hop up there for a break during intermission. Stay off the stage. There are exceptions to this of course, for example when it’s an interactive play where the set and action is all around you and you are in fact in the action, but those are exceptions that prove the rule and can be countered by simply saying that it is a different type of theater (as anyone that has done that type of theater will attest to.)

Also, do not rest anything on the balcony edge or railing. There are a few reasons for this- ranging from manners, to safety. If you put your feet up over the railing, there’s a chance that your shoe could slip off and smack someone in the back of the head, or God forbid, an emergency occurs and you’re unable to get and you block people from exiting. That’s just a safety concern, but one that theaters take very seriously due to liability issue. Then there’s the manners issue- by putting your feet up, if you’re on the balcony, you could be obstructing other peoples’ views and if on the orchetra, your feet are almost certainly on someone’s arm, head, shoulder, tongue or other awkward spot. Don’t do it.

Another bit about up on the balcony, do not put coats over the rails or the edge of the balcony as it creates a fire hazard. There are very hot stage lights that sit just below you and a piece of fabric, or the paper in a playbill can very easily ignite given the amount of heat that those lights give off. Don’t do it, stay safe and make the jobs of ushers everywhere easier.

Now these are just my suggestions from my time working as an usher on Broadway, but a lot of this also comes from complaints that I’ve heard other ushers mutter. If you want to become beloved by Broadway’s service industry, just follow these tips and watch as you get sincere smiles and thanks from ushers, ticket takers, and door men everywhere. Thanks for reading and enjoy the show!