Some things can be fixed that aren’t broken – a poker game, for instance. Grandpa taught me the following ways in which he cheats at cards.

THE COLD DECK

Four friends meet for a poker game at a buddy’s house. The host knows in advance how many people will be attending and prepares a special deck of cards for the occasion. All alone, waiting for them to arrive, he creates four hands of cards and makes sure the matching high cards appear in his hand – then he returns these cards to the deck in the correct order. When his friends arrive he shuffles one deck of cards in front of them before surreptitiously switching to the cold deck he prepared earlier. To prevent being scammed by this trick I was counseled to always watch the dealer’s hands and make sure he never shuffles under the table, or fails to allow another player to cut the deck.

FACTORY-MARKED CARDS

Grandpa can spot a trick deck a mile away. He calls them counterfeit cards as they often mimic the style and color of respectable brands. Poor quality inks and inferior card stock warrant immediate detection, which leads to embarrassing excuses or worse. Some false cards have spots of missing print, others have blotches of ink on the face cards. Jacks, Queens, and Kings are the most difficult to forge due to their exacting, complicated design and four-color template. In earlier times, even an expensive deck of marked cards might look a little faded, as early printing companies fiercely guarded their nineteenth-century spray-mount coating, slicking, and matting technology.

NICKING

Grandpa is a masterful Nicker, so named because during game play he quietly slices a portion of the card with a freshly sharpened thumbnail. Nail marking requires that the cheater not bite his nails for several weeks. Grandpa says eating gelatin strengthens his fingernails before poker matches! The natural enamel of his thumb and index finger is strong enough to perforate the edges of slick, coated card stock. As the players at the table go through hand after hand, more and more cards are marked in easily discernible ways – a nick along the top versus a nick along the side, for instance. Two nicks next to one another. A nick on the corner. Advanced nicking involves localizing the card marks: performing the same nick twice so the nick is visible whether or not the card is right side up. Anything which makes its way into your fingers can be nicked – and equally helpful is nicking the bad cards, which can help telegraph well in advance when your opponent is bluffing.

CARD COUNTING

Forget about it, Grandpa says. He has never met a man that could do it worth a damn. And let’s face it this is an activity about as much fun as it sounds: a mathematical averaging system inside your own head, where points called “weights” are mentally assigned to the value of every card in play. Card Counting is, however, the only statistically proven method of gaining an advantage over the casino – but casinos have thwarted most counting techniques by mandating that six to eight decks be shuffled together prior to every poker game!

SHINERS

Grandpa’s silver pocket watch can and has been used to reflect the under-surface of the playing cards he deals to his opponents. The shine alerts Grandpa to any potential face cards or even aces in their hands – very useful in Texas Hold’em where players only have two down cards.

OTHER WAYS TO CHEAT

Cheating can be done many other ways, including collusion, sleight-of-hand such as bottom dealing or hiding cards in clothing. The best cheaters get their opponents to reveal their hands all by themselves.