Everyone loves Mario, right? Even in these cynical days when characters like the great plumber just don’t get made anymore, I’m pretty sure everyone still loves Mario. He’s like cheese or pizza, you know? You can’t not like him if you try.

Back in my school days my group of friends suffered an epic split over who was better, Mario or Sonic. Naturally, I sided with Mario and coolly mocked everything that Sonic stood for (despite secretly playing Sonic at home). At this, the Sonic group would simply fold their arms and tap their feet, Sonic-like. It really made me grit my teeth at the time. That’s what Sonic represented, you see. Nerds who think they’re cool. If a blue hedgehog really existed, it would not be admired by people: rather, it would be repeatedly tested on by scientists and would have no time to go fighting Dr. Robotnik. At least, that’s the argument I used at the time.

But to be serious for one moment. It is quite amazing, I think you’ll agree, that Mario started off as a bunch of giant pixels barely forming the semblance of a human and yet we think of him as a Brooklyn plumber with some kind of a personality. When we really think about it though, he doesn’t actually have a personality at all. He’s just a jolly plumber who likes saying “It’s a-me, Mario!” and saving princesses an awful lot. But then, when we think about it even further, we realise that he has hardly any time at all for plumbing what with all the adventuring he does and that surely, he must be broke. But no, we reason, no. Of course what with all his guest appearances in such multifarious productions as Mario Paint, Smash Bros., Mario Party, and Luigi’s Mansion (he even steals his brother’s thunder) he’s probably living handsomely in a mansion somewhere far from Brooklyn. My point is this: we think of Mario as a great videogame character not because of his practically non-existent personality, but because of the fact he symbolizes all the fun we’ve collectively had through him.

Let’s move on, shall we? Lara Croft. Another iconic videogame character. But does she really have a personality? I defy anyone to prove it. The only reason she’s iconic is that she starred in a pretty decent game and, more importantly, was the first female videogame character to appear when the technology was (just about) good enough to place the emphasis on sex appeal. After “Tomb Raider”, the floodgates were opened for hundreds of supposedly sexy female leads, but even though they may have starred in decent games, none of them are as iconic as Lara. She’s the queen among all of them simply because she was the first. And, by virtue of having this status, she has managed to bring her creators ludicrously large sums of money.

Who’s another iconic videogame character? One of my favourites is Solid Snake of Metal Gear Solid fame. You might argue, in his case, that he actually does have a personality. Sure, it’s not Shakespearean in its depth, but then again what videogame character’s personality is? I distinctly remember, when MGS came out on the PSOne, the sheer amount of excitement it generated among my friends, geeky or otherwise. The excitement was such that, seemingly by osmosis, everyone would pick up Solid Snake’s traits and seem to be possessed by his spirit, myself included. Ah yes, I remember those days when, working in the local library with my friend, we used to sneak past the books to escape the line of sight of our manager and escape his wrath at finding out we didn’t do any work. He even seemed to have a pre-programmed route, just like the guards in MGS. Because the game had so much emphasis on dialogue and cinematics, Snake’s personality seemed to come across in a way that seemed genuinely unprecedented at the time, and possibly still hasn’t been bettered.

Naturally there are many more classic and iconic characters that I neglected to mention: Link, Pacman, Ryu and Ken, Sub-Zero (to name but five): but what I tried to get across was the fact that what made them iconic had nothing at all to do with personality. No, no. The important thing is the game. If Mario made his debut in a game like Bubsy 3D (if you haven’t played it, try it: it’s quite possibly the worst game ever) then we would have long forgotten him. Perhaps what makes a great videogame character is a lot like what makes a great cartoon character. It’s the design, and how the personality is expressed in that design, that makes them. Mario has great design in abundance. Lara Croft on the other hand, well: I’ll leave you to decide that for yourselves.