Remember when your child was young, you could tell if there was something wrong the minute they stepped off the bus or turned the corner toward home after school. The shoulders were slumped or the backpack was dragging or his or her head was tilted wrong.  Back then, you were able to scoop him up, prop him at the counter with a snack and slowly but surely peel back the layers and learn about the problem.

Now with your child in college and only a cell phone between you, parenting is not so easy.   Sure there are tremendous advantages to today’s technology: between the cell phone, email, IM and text messaging, you both have instantaneous contact anytime of the day or night.  It is reassuring yet challenging at the same time.  Here are five elements to keep in mind when parenting by cell phone:

Timing:  You will most likely receive calls from your college student at their convenience, not yours.  Even if you accommodate that call regardless of what you are doing, it is difficult to have a real conversation when your child is standing in front of the dining hall saying “hey” to everyone who walks by.

Always an Audience:  When you talk to your child, bear in mind that he or she is rarely alone – the essence of college life is community.  This dramatically affects the topics he will address at all and usually causes him to give one word answers to your questions.

Students are Busy People:  Before long, you’ll notice that you haven’t spoken to your son or daughter for what has it been?  Two days? Or was it Sunday that we spoke?  You’ll be a bit alarmed and when finally he or she returns your call, you’ll be given short shrift.  “I’m busy, Mom.”  The truth is they are busy.  Classes, studying, papers to write, sororities, club sports, hanging out – the days just fly by.

Face to Face:  Just like you could read their 7-year-old body language, something your child says will make your antenna go up one day and technology just may not do it.  There will be times when you just have to see your child’s face, look into their eyes and talk.  Not because you need it, but because they need it. 

Listening: College students are totally self-centered; they sort of need to be as they have the huge task of learning how to be an adult.  When they call you, they do not really want to hear about you, your friends, relatives, the new family down the street or really anything having to do with home.  The reason they called is because they need say things out loud.  He or she doesn’t even know what is bothering them when the conversation starts but before long –if you let them talk, uninterrupted- he or she will begin describing a problem.  Often –if you let them talk, uninterrupted AND resist the urge to give advice—by the end of the conversation he or she will have figured something out.  And say “thanks Mom.”

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia