Commencement is over, the remnants from the all-night grad party are in the trash, –all that’s left are the thank you notes.  It’s been a long haul but you are now the parent of a high school graduate.  Heaving a big sigh of relief, you are probably looking forward to a summer of helping your student prepare for the move to college life.  You’re thinking that this will be a wonderful  “last” summer, full of warm, happy memories.

Look out.  For most families, this is a summer of discontent.  By August, you will be battle-weary and more anxious than you can imagine for your young adult to move out.  Remember when this child was two and had a tendency to scream, cry, arch his back or shake his head and fists?  You are about to relive that year.  Except you might end up as the one screaming. 

Breaking up is hard to do. You and your child are both experiencing separation anxiety.  Moms often exhibit this by over-mothering, doing things like buying and packing a First Aid Kit, six dozen razors, enormous Advil bottles, making up kits of paper/envelopes/stamps, emergency contact lists, and extra deodorant.  The soon- to-be-freshman exhibits separation anxiety by rejecting every member of  the family except the dog, who usually gets an unusual amount of hugs, Frisbee throwing and petting.    “Leave me alone” becomes as predictable now as “Can I have more milk” was last year. 

This wonderful child, with whom you may have never experienced much difficulty before, can suddenly take on monster-like characteristics.   He takes issue with everything, and I mean everything, you say.  She may look at you like you are a total idiot when you try to warn of the ‘freshman 15.’  He will look you straight in the eye
and tell you that you do not have a clue what dorm life is like.  You will find the two of you arguing about toothpaste, shower caddies and what sheets to take.  Meanwhile, he turns on his siblings with a vengeance, especially when they start hanging around his room with plans to move into it in September. 

Take a deep breath.  You are both a little scared.  While he is desperate to live on his own, he is uncertain about taking care of himself.  Will I be liked?  Will I make friends?  How hard will my classes be?  You, on the other hand, are worried that he or she will make every stupid mistake ever made by a college student and that it will all occur within the first week.  This child is as much a part of you as your left arm; what will it be like without him?

In a way, this summer of discontent seems be nature’s way of helping the family make the transition.  Although unpleasant at times, it is ultimately the summer you need to have.  Fall – first semester  Freshman year – awaits, with a whole new set of challenges for you and your student.