Have you ever had the friend who only talks to you via Instant Messenger then continues to talk to you as though you’re the best of friends. Hey buddy, you’re equivalent to someone I could meet in the internet chat room. That’s right. A middle aged 300+ lb bald man. That is what you are.

I can never understand why people make random comments regarding my away message. They’ll usually say something like “that’s funny” or “haha.” I never know what to say, but I do know that I want to say “Of course they’re funny you idiot, otherwise I wouldn’t have put it in my away message.”

I don’t understand why people feel the need to put their away messages in other languages. Maybe they want to be cool by trying to convince everyone they are bilingual. “Ha, I can type a four line away messages in another language, I’m a genius”. The only people worse are the ones who take the time to find an internet translator to figure out what the away message means.

The problem Instant Messenger creates is the ease you can IM the wrong person. I don’t think anything could be worse than accidentally IMing your date for the following night if you borrow “fake jelly boobs” instead of your best friend.

High school relationships are doomed even if you go to the same school as your significant other. When in high school you see each other in school and hang out on the weekends. In college you see each other all the time. You pretty much live with each other for three weeks and finally realize you don’t really like one another. Something you just couldn’t figure out after a year in high school. College makes you smarter, or maybe it’s the introduction to 4,000 new people.

Freshman year my boyfriend and I went to a grocery store to pick up a few items. At check out we had ten bags of Ramen noodles and a pregnancy test. If that doesn’t scream “scared college students” then I don’t know what does.

So I never quite understand the complex mind of the opposite sex when it comes to breaking up. After my boyfriend of 14 months decided to dump me, he kindly asked me “Can I have a hug?” Of course that’s exactly what I was thinking! You ripped my heart out and treated me horrible, but let’s make up and be hug buddies. Yes, that’s EXACTLY what I want!

I never understand why people bash fraternities more than other group organizations especially concerning their obsessive use of alcohol. I have a friend who came home wasted from his Frisbee party, walk into some random girl’s room, and pissed all over her shit. But it’s only the fraternity guys who are drunken morons.

My freshman year I was in my Honors Colloquium one of the guys asked “How do you spell “Engineering”.” So naturally I asked “What’s your major?” He responded “Mechanical Engineering.” I’m not sure which was more disturbing, the fact that he could not spell his own major or that this took place in my Honors Colloquium.

Because Delaware is such a small state there are more out of staters than instaters. Many of my out of state friends ask me “Why in God’s name would you chose to stay in Delaware?” I’m not quite sure, maybe it’s the instate tuition. These are the people who chose to go to Delaware and pay twice as much as I do, and they’re questioning my logic?

I don’t understand religion. So if you read the lines from The Hail Mary; “Holy Mary, Mother of God”. I wonder, when was Mary the mother of God? After years of Catholic school, I always thought she was the mother of Jesus and that Jesus was the Son of God. Does this mean that God is the brother and father of Jesus? I think there is a bit too much incest in this mix for me

Drunk phone calls from friends can often be amusing, but I’ve never quite understood the reason for people to call just to say, “I’m soooooooooooooooo wasted.” As if the random phone call at 4:30 am wasn’t a dead give away.

There’s always one person who seems to have more work than anyone else. He’ll tell you about the four papers he has due next week. Then somehow in the time it takes you tell him that you have five due in three days, his professor some how telepathically gave him two more papers to do and changed the due date for all six papers to tomorrow.

Before the 2004 Election there was a group of people protesting for “Traditional American Values” near the UD campus. I wasn’t quite sure whether I should cry or laugh. I wanted to cry because their contempt for homosexuals, African Americans, Latin Americans and Women insulted me. I wanted to laugh because they were protesting to preserve “Traditional American Values” while playing the bag pipes and wearing kilts.

Halloween is a time wear all the girls try to find the sexiest costume to wear. Most outfits come complete with a mini skirt, low cut top and fish net stockings. Using these standards, I once managed to dress as rat, a cute outfit, but nonetheless I was still dressing as a dirty, stinky rodent. Now if that doesn’t scream “sexy,” I don’t know what does.

With the new phenomenon known as The Facebook, there are plenty of groups named “Hot and Sexy” or “The Best Looking people at University of Delaware” where people select only attractive people to join the group. You know how to tell who actually created the group? You look for the one unattractive person in it. There is no other explanation for why someone so hideous could get into the “Best of UD”

It’s hard enough trying to write a scientific paper with all complex words that spell check will never recognize without all the foreign people whose research you need to reference. It’d be so much easier to type up references if everyone just had the last name “Smith.”

I truly believe it should be required by everyone in the student body to make a Facebook profile. It’s not as much fun if only 90% of the campus has it, because according to Murphy’s Law the really cute guy sitting next to you in class is going to be one of the 10%.

University of Delaware is fairly large campus but even from the farthest locations you can get to class in about fifteen minutes. I was amazed to learn how many people sit and wait at a bus stop for fifteen minutes and then ride the bus for 10 minutes to get to class and then wonder why they gain the freshman fifteen.

Guys claim that girls have it easy because they can get laid whenever they wish. This is true; there are plenty of horny guys out there that will screw just about anything that walks. The problem for girls is that there is a good chance that these guys have. Therefore most sensible girls will stay clear from these guys, unless of course they want to wake up the next morning with a breakfast serving of gonorrhea.

Nothing amuses me more than hearing someone saying “Wow he’s so ignorant” after someone bumps into him or her. Yes, that is what ignorant means, you ignorant fool.