“system based on merit unfair say students”

Students were outraged by the merit based education system that has developed in recent years.  This has meant that those of the least ability may not get a free state educations!!!  Furthermore students may have to join the workforce which, although will generate extra tax revenue, leading political scientists feel that student may gain worrying empathy towards the working classes, causing a failure of the class based society.  One MP pointed out: “when my father used to defecate on the living room carpet, then force his cleaner to clear it up without gloves, It form an important part  in  forming the ‘master-servant’ relationship.  What if my father had himself been a cleaner?  Perhaps also taken through the ritual of the ‘plop mob’  What would he have done then??”

Our inside source in downing street commented that: “now we won’t have to spend millions in training poor quality students in media studies at the university of Lincolnshire and Humberside, the funds will have to be wasted else where’.

Plans are expected to be unveiled for the empire bridge bridge project, which aims at linking the parts of the British empire together.  The first leg of the bridge will be of cantilever design  and is expected to link Jamaica with ‘Bodmin moor’.