That Guy. Everybody knows one. That Guy who everybody wants to hang around with. That Guy who always knows what to do and say. That Guy who seems to do everything right. That Guy is Cool, and everybody knows it. Whether you’ll admit it or not (I suspect you have, because you’re still reading), you want to be That Guy. You want to be Cool (yes, I’m going to capitalize Cool every time).

It’s not uncommon. Most people have desired to be Cool at some point in time. But not everyone has really made the effort to be Cool. It takes more than you think. Not just any bum can be Cool. It takes dedication, time, and creativity. Cool could bring drastic changes. If you succeed, you will suddenly find yourself in control, and well-liked, among other things. Note that I did not say popular. If you are still in high school (or lower), Cool does not equal popular. Don’t confuse the two. Also, I should tell you not to lose sight of yourself or your morals. Cool isn’t about changing yourself. It’s about

But by now, you’re probably wondering, “When’s this guy gonna get to the actual guidelines?” Have patience. Patience is a major element of cool. That’s your first guideline right there, if you didn’t notice.

The Qualities

This is what matters most. What qualities do people with Cool have? What makes them Cool? Before you can be Cool, you have to know what you’re going to need. I’ve been kind enough to list the qualities you’ll need. I’ve saved the best for last.

Composure. If you lose you’re composure, you’re likely to do something irrational, potentially even Uncool. Every time you fly off the handle, you risk being Uncool.

Patience. This is for two reasons. First, you’ll need to give the process of attaining Cool time to work. It doesn’t happen overnight. Cool can take weeks, months, or even years, depending upon your personality and dedication. The second reason for patience is that no one likes someone who’s always jumping the gun or complaining. Besides Uncool, complaining is the furthest you can get from Cool.

A Sense of Humor. The first two points make Cool sound like a dull, dreary affair. On the contrary; Cool is what makes life exciting. The best way to be exicting is to be funny. Everyone likes to laugh, so be funny, and you will be Cool.

Humility. It is important to remember not to be arrogant. Arrogance, like complaining, is quite close to the polar opposite of Cool. Cool is understated, Cool is humble. Cool does not brag about its Coolness. Neither should you.

Confidence. This sort of contrasts my previous point, but always remember that you are a good guy. You are The Man (or Woman). There is no reason for someone not to like you, so if they don’t, it’s their problem. Whether these are true or not, convince yourself they are or work on making them true.

Now you know what you need. That’s half the battle (well not really; all it took was like five minutes of reading). The other part of the process is much more difficult, and not for the feint of heart. You might have to fight your way through awkward situations and embarrassing conversations. To help you persevere, I have this mantra for you: “Focus; be easy.” Whenever you encounter a tough moment in your life, remember this. “Focus” means to stay on track and do what needs to be done, while “be easy” reminds you to be you, and not to take anything too seriously.

If you are prepared (you are), proceed.

The Process

There’s not really a step-by-step way to become Cool. If there were, it would have already been published and I would be eating dinner instead of writing this essay. Instead, I’ll list things you can do to make yourself Cooler. The easiest way to do this is to possess the five qualities I mentioned and increase them.

Composure:

Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath! There is nothing more important than this for composure. Thomas Jefferson once said (and I paraphrase because I don’t remember the exact quote, “If you are angry, count to ten before doing anything. If you are very angry, count to 100.” Remember this. You don’t literally have to count to 100 if somebody really ticks you off (that’d take forever), but make sure you think for a second before you act (or speak).

Experience everything life has to offer. Go out and immerse yourself in the world. When you get back from your adventures, most situations you encounter in daily life will seem less extreme. The idea here is to expose yourself to the most extreme situations (yes, that includes extreme embarrassment and ridicule), so that everything else will seem less important, less extreme. Don’t go out of your way to embarrass yourself, but just accept it. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

Patience:

This one is tougher. You can’t do all that much to be more patient. What you can do (and that’s what this essay’s all about) is seem more patient. Instead of complaining about something (and you remember how Uncool complaining is), keep quiet. No matter how much something bothers you, no one will know if you don’t tell them. Brilliant, huh?

Wow I’m totally out of stuff here. I was gonna have two for each, but I got nothing. All I can say is don’t complain. Instead, try to do something to fix the situation. Even if you don’t get anything done, you’re still passing the time until it goes away. Guess I did have something to say.

Sense of Humor:

Don’t be afraid to tell jokes. Some people don’t tell very many jokes because they’re afraid they won’t be funny. Well, no one was born funny. (Except Eddie Murphy. He had to have had a head start.) You have to learn what is funny and what isn’t. The only way to do this is trial and error. Don’t be afraid to literally write down jokes or stories that are really funny. Even if you feel really stupid when you do it, (trust me, you will) it can be very beneficial later.

Don’t make fun of someone else. Much. I mean, a jab here and there can be bring-down-the-house funny if it’s well-timed and well-delivered, but most jabs aren’t good enough, and end up being annoying. Trying to be funny at someone else’s expense too often is probably going to make you a Tool. Tools are not Cool, no matter how similar they sound.

Humility:

Get good at taking compliments. When you receive a compliment, don’t just laugh it off or turn it into a joke. Look the person in the eye and give them a sincere, “Thank you,” and then make your joke. If you don’t respect what the person said, it cheapens the compliment.

Don’t talk too much. It’s annoying, and shows that you are too full of yourself. Full of yourself will not make you Cool, it will make you an idiot. Listen instead of talking. You might even learn something.

Confidence:

Let criticisms bounce right off you. If someone thinks negatively of you, let them. It’s not worth the effort to change their minds. If someone thinks positively of you, however, do just the opposite; let the compliments sink in and really mean something. Bask in the glory. (If you have no glory to bask in, find some, or just bask in the sun) Don’t get full of yourself though, like I said not even ten sentences ago. If I had to remind you of that, well, I forgot what I was going to say.

Work on your speech. This is kind of an umbrella point. Talk loudly, but not too loudly. Talk clearly. Actually, try to talk too clearly. That’s impossible (and it doesn’t make any sense to boot!), but if you try, you will speak clearly. Also, don’t talk that much. Odds are, nobody wants to hear about how intuitive your cat is. If you only talk when you have something to say, people will listen.