Parenting today is more challenging than ever before. This is due to the dangerous examples and attitudes to which our children are exposed. The minimally censored TV programs, numerous violent and pornographic movies are just some examples which contribute to the perception of “dangerous examples.” Many books have been published which list habits of successful people and successful organizations. However none has been written on how to be a successful parent though this is probably more important than individual and/or corporate success . I am researching, “The Benefits of Preschool Education between the ages of three to five years”. While researching this I noted how difficult it is to raise children in this environment. Parents have little time to do research on how to raise children even though raising them right is more important now than ever before. Based on my research, readings, experience as a psychiatric nurse, and a qualified teacher I decided to compile a list of successful (parenting) habits to raise children right. These parenting habits will insure that you and your children will be able to maintain a viable “parent child” relationship long after your off spring leave the nest. You may even want them back to talk about the good times you have had together.

Here are the nine habits which will help you succeed in achieving and your and your children’s goals.

The first habit is that of listening to your children. Listening to children is very important because it allows the children to ventilate their emotions and there will be many times when no other action will be needed. There will be times when it may be necessary to help the child reflect on what he/she is saying. At other times a minor caution may be needed. The listening must be active, it is not good enough to be listening while doing dishes or the lawn.

The second good habit of successful parenting is to “Educate Well”. Educating well involves giving a broad range of opinions on a subject matter. You can actually use such opportunities to teach yourself new things too. Do not just give direction; give your child a range of options. Your child will love the fact that he/she has options. He will more likely listen to you and respect you. The explanation should be age appropriate. It is of little help to give a detailed explanation on microbial growth to a three year old toddler.

The third useful habit is to show your children that you like/love them unconditionally. Unconditional love is important because it conveys to them that you are on their side even when disciplining them or enforcing a house rule. It will be easier for them to follow through without the feeling of “alienation”. Children often feel alienated when they are being consequences for inappropriate or unacceptable behaviours.

The fourth useful habit is to Send the Right Messages about Values and Character. Include discussions of values learned through family connections, children’s movies, books and current TV events on the news etc. Allow them to talk and discuss. Do not make these sessions a one way process where you do all the talking and they do all the listening. If you did all the talking, they did all the listening, then they will not have retained very much. It will make them feel that it is your agenda.

The fifth important rule to raising good kids is, “Mind your model”. This means that there should be discussions on what is good behaviour. The boundaries should be clear to the children. From time to time it may be necessary to adjust the limits etc as the children grow up and rightly become entitled to more privileges.

The sixth useful goal is that of not using punishment. Punishment does not work. It results in alienating the child. Use alternatives to punishment. Ignoring a child’s bad behaviour can result in it being extinguished if you can put with a little bit of inconvenience.

The seventh Goal is to keep your adult perspective. The child knows that you are the adult. He/she needs and must be made to feel safe. It is the adult’s responsibility to do this. A lot of harm is done to children when they are made to feel unsafe. Many books contain literature which is age appropriate or you can ask adult friends can help you.

The eighth behavioural habit is one of honesty and maturity. In your dealing with your children you are going to come up with difficult situations. For example, curfew time for your 15 year old son. Some fifteen year olds are more mature than others. So, when making such a decision obtain input from family friends. There is nothing to loose by obtaining opinions of trusted friends. In fact it is a good decision because it will allow you to validate your feelings and opinions.

The ninth important habit for successful parenting is respect of your children’s rights. Just like adults have rights, children have rights. The children’s rights did not come about because of the United Nations “authoritative instincts”. The children’s rights came about because of the systematic abuse and neglect of children.

These interventions will insure that you have a loving relationship with your children. At worst, it will insure that you have a good working relationship with your children. We all know that patients often sue their doctors when the outcome is not good. In the near future, it is likely that children will be suing their parents for abusing them. It is only a matter of time.