The playground, a place where competition is inevitable and only the strong survive. Some never enjoy the benefits of the top tier, but it needn’t be that way. By following these simple steps, you’ll soon be ruling the playground.

1. Dress for Success. From personal experience, The Children’s Place is the way to go. It is by far the coolest stuff on the playground and easily beats Carter’s and Gymboree any day. Put on some of The Children’s Place along with a bib for functionality, and the babies will stare at you with pure envy.
2. Earn Respect. It takes awhile to gain respect, but in the end it’s always worth it. Try doing little jobs like making other babies sandcastles, or by even pushing them on the swings. This will help you gain respect and help escalate you in the playground ranks.
3. Start a gang. Starting your own gang is a great way to control the playground. Just make sure you have at least 5 members, a couple of water guns, and of course a nearby lake for ammo refills. You should also have a trained medic just in case firefights, I mean waterfights, get a little out of control.
4. Charge for services. Once you have your playground gang together, start charging for services such as taking out other baby targets, or going on the big boy slides. It’s a great way to make income and increases your influence on the playground in general.
5. Become the Boss. After you make a gang, make sure you take out your leader (if there is one) and take control of the finances. This way you’ll truly be the king of the playground and everyone will look up to you.