Birth hour is not the only time, when a mother pushes her child, this pushing process continues from both the parents till the end of times. Babies are pushed into adolescence, and then into adults. They are pushed to learn, to walk, to talk, to write and read. They are pushed out of their parents’ room, then out of the house, to earn, and sometimes even out of the country. Sometimes children are also pushed to be strong, greedy, sensitive/insensitive, and so on depending upon how much parents want to push their children and in what direction.

Parents do not necessarily deal with all of their children in the same way. While some children are pushed just to pass their exam, some are pushed to get an A plus. They say they know how much and what kind of pushing each child needs. If they are happy with Sara’s C, but not with Ali’s B, that’s because they know that Ali has the capability of scoring an A and Sara can easily flunk. So in her case, even a C is equivalent to an A.

However, children usually find this concept hard to grasp and give it other names, like child favourism, and injustice. These situations often result in jealousy, sibling rivalry, frustration and hatred.

While some children are easily pushed, some need a lot of pushing. However, sometimes the pushing gets out of control and children start to repel the push. That is the time when the child says that ‘I can’t take any more pressure now’. He feels as if his parents’ expectations keep getting higher and higher with his every achievement. Instead of being happy and satisfied on his straight As in O’ Levels, they immediately start pushing him to grab a distinction in A’ Levels. An American Research Centre recently conducted a survey between March to May 2006, on parental pressure in which it was found that in Asian countries majority say that children are under too much pressure.

This extra pressure is the point where parents have to be asked ‘how much?’ What do they mean when they say that “we want our child to go to a medical college”? Would any medical college do or does it have to be the best one? And what about when they are in the medical college? Is it over or has it just begun? Would passing through to become a doctor be sufficient or would the child need to pass through every stage in first class, to become the best doctor? And what after medical? Is that enough or would they have to go on for a specialization, and that too only in nothing less than heart or brain?  And then maybe own the biggest hospital in the country one day?

For some parents, their demand stops at the first or second phase, and anything after that is just a bonus, but for some, the demands only end with their life. While sons feel the burden of career pressure, daughters have other issues. They say that parents want a versatile daughter, who is beautiful, intelligent and homely at the same time. Thus, daughters often feel that they are unable to prioritize tasks in their life. Is cooking for the family dinner more important than working on the big assignment? Parents would answer, they are both equally important, and they just need to attain the perfect balance.

Sometimes, it’s not pushing but pulling. When parents are very successful they pull their children in the same field as they are in, and pull them up to their chair. Here some children feel that they didn’t earn this all by themselves, and some feel that they would have been better off some place else.

While some children keep on struggling for their parents’ sake, some revolt, saying that their parents’ and their own dreams don’t match. Sometime in life they start asking themselves, is this what they really want? Did they want a different career or lifestyle for themselves? Are they happy? Would they have been happier if they had chosen a different path from themselves?

What needs to be understood is the definition of success. What is success for one might now mean anything to the other. Money and fame might be the ultimate goal for some, while others might feel a sense of fulfilment and success by acts of social or public welfare. One can only excel in the field he wants to join and has passion for, and can only attain whatever he strives for. When parents just want the betterment and happiness of the children then they need to understand and respect the goals of their children for mutual contentment.

Some children owe their entire success to their parents, who say that without their parents’ support they would have never been able to achieve whatever they have. It has to be realized, that parents’ support does not necessarily mean parents’ push. It can be freedom for the child to choose his own path, and a smile of acceptance and pat on the back on his smallest achievement.