While at one time you have gotten along just great, you may now find it difficult to get through dinner without falling into some sort of argument.  It’s not fun. 

Deep inside, we all want homes like we read about in storybooks or see in television.  We dream of being a part of one big family where everyone gets along and live happily ever after.  We want to be friends with our parents and have fun together. 

However, what we dream about and what we have are often two different things.  We find that we fight with our parents—a lot.  It seems there are always new and stricter rules telling us what we can or cannot do.  Perhaps our parents fight quite a bit and there is constant tension in the home.  Our real-life family doesn’t quite measure up to the “ideal” one in our mind, and we feel cheated. 

Here are some reasons why teenagers and parents often find themselves fighting and at odds with one another. 

• Many parents clash with their teenagers over their choice of friends.  Parents may not approve of the looks or life-style of some of your friends.  They may fear that your friends are a bad influence on you and will drag you down.  Some parents disapprove quietly, while others may openly attack and criticize your choice of friends and try to keep them away.
• Many teenagers find themselves in conflict over school.  Fights over grades, homework, and attendance can get quite loud and bitter.  Few families escape them.  Because things your parents consider important—like grades, attendance, or course schedule—may not be nearly as important to you, some conflicts are bound to occur.  Try to understand where your parents are coming from.  They believe that doing well in school can open doors for you.  And you know what? They’re right!
• How many times do you find yourself fighting with your parents over doing the dishes or cleaning your room?  Have you ever been called lazy, irresponsible, or worse because your room was a pit and your dirty laundry pile threatened to reach the ceiling?  Take heart, for you are not alone! Most teenagers say that conflict with parents over household chores ranks near the top of the list of teenage universal problems.  It almost seems universal.
• Not surprisingly, the conflict area teenagers mention most concerns dating, the choice of dating companions, and the activities and schedules of dates themselves.  When it comes to dating, parents want to protect their children, while their children want the freedom to decide for themselves.  It is not easy to blend this desire to protect and the need to be free.
• Conflicts over values, beliefs, and expectations rank high on the list of teenage/parent concerns as well.  A value is something that is important or has significant worth to us.  The problem is that many times what teenagers value and what parents value are not the same.  The most severe conflicts can occur over the value of family versus friends and peers.  Parents tend to place a high premium on family time and togetherness.  Teenagers, however, often place a higher value on being with friends and being involved in their own activities.  The result is conflict.

Getting along

If you have lots of ups and downs when it comes to family relationships, don’t worry; you’re not along.  In fact, it’s pretty normal. 

But there are some things you can do, and some of your own attitudes that you can change, to help make life at home a little less like a choppy roller coaster ride.  Try some of these ideas and watch for the results. 

• There are some good things about all families.  Focus on the good things in your family.
• Be kind, loving, and appreciative.
• Always be honest.  It’s one of the best ways to strengthen trust in your family.
• Try to see things from the point of view of others in your family.  Treat your parents, brother, and sisters as you would like to be treated.
• Show respect to everyone in your family—even the little people—in the same way that you would like to be respected.