Friendship can mean different things to different people and there are a variety of reasons why people may become ‘friends’ to begin with. Humans are considered to be inheriently social beings. For example, Karl Marx considered humans to be intrinsically, necessarily and by nature social. People cannot survive and meet their needs except through social co-operation and association. Max Weber sees human behaviour as social if it takes into account other peoples behaviour and orientates itself accordingly. Therefore, according to the above theories, alot of human nature and behaviour is social, and this can be demonstrated by the need to establish close relationships and social ties with people around us, who we are not related to by blood. The Question is, what is friendship exactly, and why do we become friends with others?

A modern day definition of a friend can be defined as “one joined to another in intimacy and mutual benevolence independently of sexual or family love”. (Oxford English Dictionary). It is not uncommon to hear one person call another a ‘good friend’ when that person has helped and supported them a great deal, putting them first and looking after them. Friendship seems to have alot to do with looking after and caring for the needs of another. As one girl mentioned to me one day “People become friends with people who are in the same situation as themselves, when they are unemployed they will find friends in the same situation, when you go to university, you will make friends there.” Therefore, there seems to be a part of friendship based on personal needs, and convenience, and not merely on the nature of the person one is befriending.

Aristotle saw friendship as primarily three types:
friends based on utility, when the friendship is based on some sort of need. For example, business partners, sales deals, or some other need. Both have something the other wants and friendship does not last after there is no longer any need left. These types of friendships are common amongst older people, who pursue the useful rather than the pleasant.

Pleasure friendships are based on the amount of pleasure people get from being in a friendship. People who go together to sports events or other various outings may fall under this category. These people are friends because of the pleasure they get from being in the friendship, not for their friends sake. Younger people often have such friendships. Such friendships are brought about quickly and can end quickly, when there are changes in whether or not the friendship brings them pleasure.

Virtuous friendships are different to the above two and have to occur between two people who are virtuous and who hold the same criteria of virtue. These are usually one to one relationships, whereas other relationships can be within a group. Usually virtue is developed through wisdom and age, therefore they are not as commonly found amoungst the young. It is a friendship of mutual respect and love. They are friends because the see virtues in each other that they see in themselves. They care for their friend and wish them well for their friends sake. According to Aristotle, such friendsips are rare.

Kant believed that people do not seek friendship for its own sake but to satisfy needs; he sees true friendship as two people taking care of one anothers needs. He also held that the truly virtuous person is friends with everyone and should not limit himself to a select few friends, as this would be exclusive. His view of friendship is slightly negative and he sees it as something the less virtuous adhere to in order to block out the world. However, Aristotle sees friendship as good and sought by everyone.

some have argued that the theories of Aristolte are too elitist, too exclusive when defing friendship, as well as very inclusive when it comes to friendships of utility, since many people would not define sales people as friends.

In Islam, friendship has alot to do with bettering oneself spiritually and is seen as either a good influence or a bad one:

In an authentic Hadith, Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wassalam) is reported to have said:
“A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look at whom you befriend.”

in another Hadith, Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wassalam) is claimd to have said:
“The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows. So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him.”

One scholar is quoted to have said said: “keeping good company with the pious results in attainment of beneficial knowledge, noble manners and righteous actions, whereas keeping company with the wicked prevents all of that.” This is because the compnay that wwe keep has an influence over us, our behaviour and are actions. Therefore, it is important to have good friends if we would like to be good ourselves.

A scholar has said: “To seal a friendship for Allah’s sake indicates the obligation of establishing relationships of love and trust for His sake; this is a friendship for the sake of Allah. It also indicates that simple affection is not enough here; indeed what is meant is a love based upon alliance. This entails assistance, honour, and respect. It means being with those whom you love both in word and deed.”

Ali (radi ALLAHu anhu), the grandson of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wassalam, is reported to have said: “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people to protect yourself from their evils.”

Friendship in Islam can also be seen as supportive to spiritual and personal growth, in that friends should look out for one another, which includes pointing out any faults, flaws or weak points, which the friend should be able to accept graciously and take into consideration, therefore, one part of friendship here is good advice.

A Muslim is supposed to be “the mirror of his brother”, and if he sees any faults in his companion, he is supposed to highlight his attention to it, helping him to give it up and to wipe away any vices that he may have. Apparantly, Ibn Hazm, a scholar from andaluscia said: Anyone who criticises you cares about your friendship. Anyone who makes light of your faults cares nothing about you.

In conclusion, friendship is important in all cultures, and seems to operate on a similar basis in terms of fulfilling social, spiritual, and perhaps other needs for oneself and others. Often friendship can be more than personal affection and a means of support – although these are important, but as one can see it can also be a great influence on us and a means of our spiritual growth and development. Who we keep as friends, are therefore, important. Commitment is an important element of friendship, as is requires the mutual giving and recieving, it also matures with time.