Most teens truly don’t hate their parents. Sure, they can be really weird or so out of touch that they still call you a “card”, but most teens know that their parents will always be there for them, even if it is in a pain-in-the-butt kind of way.

If you want your parents to give you more independence, you need to interact using the system of reciprocity. In other words, you help them out and are nice to them, and they will respond by granting you more freedom.

For example, look at this story of Mark. Mark is generally a good kid. He makes ok grades, he doesn’t act like a jerk, and he respects his parents, though they can be embarrassing at times.

One day, Mark comes home from soccer. Practice ran later than usual, so Mark is exhausted and just wants to relax and text his friends. But as he collapses onto his bed, his mom comes in and asks if he could watch his baby sister while she cleans up around the house. Mark doesn’t particularly want to look after Baby Emily, but his mom looks as exhausted as he is, so he agrees to watch her for a little while. The next night is Friday, and Mark asks if he can use the car so he can go out with some buddies. His mom remembers how accommodating he was the night before, so she lets him have the car. Mark then goes out and has a great time!

See how great the concept of reciprocity is? Mark made a small sacrifice for his mom, and she showed her gratitude by letting do something that he wanted.

However, reciprocity can work the other way around. What if Mark had done the opposite in our story? Let’s say he had said “no” or had made a smart comment back to his mother. Mom would probably think that Mark was very rude to her the previous night, so she would not let him borrow the car.

Reciprocity is a simple concept, but it will do wonders. When you do those “little things” for your parents, they will pay more respect to what you want to do. It’s really easy, now you just have to put it into practice.