What happens to you when your best mate starts hanging around with people everyone knows are ‘bad?’ One minute you two are going to the cinema and shopping together and the next your friend has a cigarette in her hand and is ignoring you. Persisting with friendship when your friend is not acting like much of a friend at all can be very hard.

It can seem like a simple choice at first, you think of course you must stay with your mate, she is after all your best friend, but what if you are with her, while she smokes and drinks and tries to persuade you to join her? Now it’s not so simple. You have to think about yourself as well. 

Falling in with the wrong crowd can happen at any time of your life, and watching someone else ruining their own life is not easy. So what can you do?

• Talk to your friend, this is the easiest and first step. Maybe she just needs a friendly ear, perhaps there are problems at home or at school. If she tells you something that you think she needs to tell an adult, you should try and persuade her to do so.

• Tell your friend you are worried about her. This is a sort of intervention, before things get too bad, tell her that you are worried she is drinking/smoking/taking drugs and that it will hurt her. Don’t say “you shouldn’t do that, it is bad,” don’t judge her, just tell her that you are worried. She might be worried about herself, and hearing if from someone else might be enough to help her.

• Tell your friend you don’t like the group she hangs out with. This is risky, she may be offended or act stubborn, but she needs to know how you feel, tell her you will hang out with her, but not with the others. She may decide she doesn’t even want to talk to you, this is her choice, you have to respect that, and hope she will change her mind.

• Ask her not to smoke/drink/do drugs around you. You don’t want to be influenced, or breathe in second hand smoke, but instead of telling her to stop, ask her not to do it around you. She may not like this, but you have to ask her, it gives your friendship a chance.

• Tell her you are sorry but you can’t hang around with her at the moment. This is a last resort, only if she carries on doing the things you asked her not to do around. You don’t want to do this, and why would you? But sometimes its for your and hers own good. Don’t be angry at her, or snub her, tell her you will be there if she needs to chat, just keep your distance. For a while at least, until things get better

• Ask for help. If her behaviour is really out of control, ask someone you know mutually for help, whether it be an adult or another friend. Even if you can’t stop her, you can at least have someone to talk to about it.

It may be necessary to stop seeing your mate for a while, or even for a long time, especially if her behaviour is affecting you. Try and rememeber this could just be a ‘phase’ she’s going through, some people handle stress differently than others. You can try and help, but in the end it is your friend’s choice, you just need to be there for her when she comes around. Don’t let yourself be influenced by her behaviour, even if not doing what she wants could mean having no friends, that is the hardest decision you will make. Eventually you will find more friends, but if you risk your own health and wellbeing giving in to peer pressure, you may regret it for a long, long time.

Don’t feel that you are alone, in Britain you can call Childline, just to talk, about anything from homework, mates, school, smoking etc. And almost every country has their own helpline, just do an online search.