You Have to Work from the Bottom Up

Let’s be serious, if you don’t have the kicks then you will never be fresh, and if you want to go anywhere in life, you have to be fresh. Shoes are important! I advise you to go to the nearest Foot Locker, Finish Line or Champs and pick yourself up some J’s, Forces or Nikes. If you have the cash it could be a wise decision to stop by a new store, GOT SOLE. They have some BAD SHOES, and by BAD I mean GREAT. Girls, Uggs are horrendously ugly! It reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite’s space boots; not exactly what I’m looking for in a girl. If you think you can get away with normal white socks, then you’re a slacker. They’re too normal and boring. You need to get a life and buy some colorful socks.

Pants/Shorts are a Big Part of Being “Fresh to Death”

Bright blue jeans just don’t cut it. Get some faded jeans; black works too, If you’re going to go with gym shorts then you have to know what you are doing. If those shorts don’t match PERFECTLY then it’s a mistake. Sagging is overrated. For the girls who don’t know when their shorts fit, you need some major work. Nobody wants to see baggy shorts falling off some girl. They also don’t want to see pants that you bought when you were five. Some things from Victoria’s Secret are okay, but those sweat pants that say “PINK” on the donk aren’t cutting it.

The Belt Buckle is a Necessity

It needs to be big and in your face. I enjoy seeing the ones with lights on them. They brighten up my day. It doesn’t even matter what it says. It could say “I’m an idiot” but as long as it’s huge, shiny, sparkly and fresh then you will be fine. It’s hard to find a good place to find a big belt buckle, but id you want to be fresh then you can find one. And remember one thing, the bigger the better, but only the buckle can be big. The HUGE belts girls ware around their stomachs, not even through the belt loops, make them look ridiculous.

Tee Shirts, Tee Shirts, Tee Shirts

Guys, every size and color is necessary. Polo’s are only for certain occasions; they are NOT fresh, they may be cute, but cute is overrated. Girls, tee shirts are never a good idea ever! If you are wearing a tee shirt you are automatically a bum, no questions asked. If you have words on your shirt then they need to be legit. Anything school related is not fresh. V-necks to be honest just scare me. Why anyone wants to see a guy’s chest is beyond me. And again, any shirt worn has to be IN YOUR FACE, bright and interesting. If you aren’t noticed in a crowd then you’re not fresh, and you need some help. Boring colors include brown, grey, dark blue, white and black if worn incorrectly.

Accessories, the Sunglasses, the Watch and the Bling

If you think you look like a bug in your sunglasses, then don’t wear them, they aren’t working for you. If people are not able to see where you are looking because of how dark your sunglasses are, then it’s creepy, not fresh. Make sure your shades aren’t scratched, jank or foggy. It makes your shades look gross. I strongly suggest they are shiny. A watch can definitely add to your status. Silver is in and gold is old school. My grandpa has a collection of gold watches. I love the guy, but he also wears sandals with socks and tucks his dress shirts into his overalls. Bling it up. There is no such thing as too much bling and don’t let anyone tell you differently.

If you follow these guidelines I would be impressed to find anyone more fresh than you. (Other than my grandpa).