Image via Wikipedia

Getting five to ten servings of vegetables a day shouldn’t be that hard. Beans are vegetables, and chocolate comes from a bean. It shouldn’t be too much of hardship to eat two or three servings of chocolate a day.

  Image via Wikipedia

Come to think of it, coffee comes from a bean as well. I’m already drinking three or four cups a day, so I’ve got five or six servings of beans covered.

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Fruit is good for you too. Like say, apples. In apple pie. Apple pie needs cinnamon, which comes from the bark of a tree. That should count as a vegetable. What else? Sugar, which in Canada comes from the sugar beet. Beets are vegetables, too! This is getting easy.

 Sugar beets.  Image via Wikipedia

A balanced diet also needs dairy, meat or meat substitute, and some grain or cereal servings. Combine some milk with eggs (a meat substitute), some flour, and there you go.

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 Mix in some sugar (from a beet, so it’s a vegetable) and some chocolate (from a bean, also a vegetable) and a bit of vanilla (which also comes from a bean – isn’t this amazing!) and you have chocolate cake. Oh, how healthy we will be!

Vanilla beans.   Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia

If you also need some natural pain medication, I recommend ice cream. It can be addictive, so use with caution. Best to combine it with a serving of fruit or vegetable. Or both. I recommend a banana and some chocolate sauce. Have I mentioned that chocolate is my favourite vegetable?

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Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. (Or at least it ought to be.) Please do not attempt. The author cannot be held responsible for the health of anyone foolish enough to try this diet.

Other nonsense by the same author:

Why I Love Coffee