You sit down at night to a wonderful feast of greasy deep-fried cardboard flavored burger, fries, and watered down soda of your choice from your favorite fast food restaurant.  You prepare to enjoy your 3 day old meat when suddenly from behind comes the disgusting smacking sound of the grotesquely fat man behind you enjoying his meal with his mouth wide open so that the entire restaurant can know that he likes it.

This is just one of the many examples of terrible table manners that Americans must face every day of their lives.  Others of this category include:

• napkin free laps
• elbows on the table
• speaking with the mouth full
• reaching over someone else to grasp the salt when they could have just asked for it
• flatulating loudly
• expelling stomach gas from the mouth

So please, since you have read this and are now very aware of the seemingly unstoppable epidemic of bad table manners in America, DO YOUR PART-vaccinate the others around you when you see the symptoms and even more important, seek professional help immediately if you develop any of them yourself!