Making a Drunken Fool of Yourself a little too often?

Although it pains me to recall, even I, the most sensible member of AndAnotherThing have embarrassed myself, due to the effects of drink. I’m in good company too as many of my dearest friends have succumbed to this human tendency. In my experience, normally as an observer II hasten to add), the demon drink can induce one of four bad drunks. One or more (if we are unlucky) lurk inside of all of us, so never become complacent if you drink alcohol socially or indeed on your own.

The Four Types of Drunken Fool

I don’t have much data to go on but I think what I have is sufficient enough to have detected which star signs tend to which category of bad drunken behaviour. Below I have outlined each and offer them to you so you can avoid the bad scenes and feelings of remorse they bring with them by detecting the first stages of impending episodes and taking measures to change your drunken course.

Advice received too late is normally useless (not altogether true in this case).

I should imagine that for a proportion of my readers this advice will have arrived too late. You are reading this and recalling uncomfortable and embarrassing times. I cannot remove these from your memory but in my next article entitled “A Standard Letter For People Who have made drunken fools of themselves” may offer a partial solution for a few of you. This is a letter (you fill in the blanks and send it to all the people you have offended during your drunken episode) based on a translation of one written in China and dating from the fifth century BC. If nothing else, this letter will assure you that you’re not the first to have made such an absolute fool of yourself.

Fire signs: Aries, Leo and Sagittarius.

You are most likely to be the drunk who has a blazing row. You get angry and say the most vile and hurtful things. You enjoy raising the stakes in drunken debate. This is normally fine among good friends, who treasure your observations and enjoy your banter, but a competitive environment could start you off on one. For instance, if you were to find yourself among a society populated only by fellow fire signs there could be trouble. Know this and keep it in mind as you can never be guaranteed any solid earth signs to be present to act as grounding. If you have to drink don’t do spirits or any alcohol that can be set on fire. Mostly you are better on beer.

Earth signs: Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn

You can be very destructive. Smashing plates and glasses, taking sledge hammers to crack nuts. Remember that such behaviour is never a good idea and go home if you think you’re feeling like a plate throwing. You have a special responsibility to avoid drunken episodes because you tend to be pivotal, socially speaking. If you lose it so does everybody else. You should also take care not to be clumsy when drunk – you are the most likely to fall over and expose your bare arse.

Air signs: Gemini, Libra and Aquarius

You can cause the most division and are probably responsible – to some extent – for arguments that see rifts develop and never heal. Playing one group off against another can be good fun but very dangerous where drunkenness is involved as it brings in too many variables. Drink tends to dull your reason. You should stay away from beer and complicated cocktails; go for red wine in moderation.

Water signs: Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces

You tend to cry a lot. Worst is when you threaten to kill yourself but you also have the tendency to cry dramatically and ruin what would have been a good party. I think your problem is that drinking environments don’t suit you. If any star signs should be teetotal it’s you lot. This applies even more to anyone with their moon in one of the water signs and I can’t stress it enough for anyone with their moon in Pisces. You don’t need drink anyway – you are lucky that water has such a beneficial effect. As you are most likely to feel completely embarrassed the next day, the letter I’m about to publish on triond.com (“A Standard Letter For People Who have made drunken fools of themselves” ) will be most useful.

Handled well alcohol can unleash charm, creativity, excellent celebration and good times conversely, handled badly it can end lives, careers and relationships. I’d never advise anyone to give up alcohol but I’d never recommend anyone to have their first drink either. Always, think before you drink.

Yours truly,

The most sensible member of AndAnotherThing