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It’s 7:01 AM on July 29, which threatens to be a record-meeting or record-breaking day for hot temperatures in the Pacific Northwest.  I’m a lifelong Seattleite and I admit that I really have no idea how to deal with weather that is hotter than my body temperature.  As if preparing for the Mongol Horde or the Zombie Apocalypse, it has become my frantic mission to prepare myself against the nemesis in the sky.

I knew that these sorts of days existed, somewhere on the east coast where I imagine there are nocturnal insects the size of your hand and cotton or tobacco or oranges or peaches grow outside of the homes.  In a place where they eat crawfish instead of salmon and drink mint juleps out on the front porch, they must know how to deal with the heat.  I remember visiting such a place on occasion.  When visiting family in Florida, I had to deal with the sticky, hot atmosphere as it penetrated my clothing and clogged my lungs.  If I remember correctly, the native response is to hide away in a building that has already been outfitted with air conditioning.  This method leads a person to indulging exclusively in indoor activities during the summer: a movie in a dark theater, then a sprint to the car and the roar of super-chilled air rushing out from the dash; parking as close to the door of Steak ‘n Shake to cut short your trying to walk—and in fact, respire—in a heat and humidity like breathing through a boiled sponge inside of a sauna with all your clothes on.

Solutions

Before I did any real research, my inclination was simply to advise you toward three things:

1. Ice water.
2. Nudity.
3. An afternoon nap with the fan on.

I feel that these three things will generally help you to (consciously) avoid the worst part of the day.  But if you’re not going to resign yourself to be a nude vegetable between 2 and 8 PM today and actually plan to function, then I offer you these practical ways to beat the heat.

1. Close The Curtains: especially if you’re going to be walking around in the buff like I suggested, but also because blocking direct sunrays will keep your house from heating up.  Hang up a bed sheet, if need be.
2. Make A Salad: cooking in this heat may not be a great idea, because the heat from your stove or oven is just more undue heat to deal with.  So don’t put any more effort into food preparation than chopping romaine and liberally applying your preferred dressing. 
3. Seek Shelter: today might be a good day for you to do some research for that business you want to start or catch up on the classics in a well-cooled public library.  I won’t blame you for browsing produce for half an hour to level out your body temperature.
4. Make It Work For You: this is a good day to go pre-modern.  Use a clothesline to impart outdoor scents into your towels and sheets.  Grab a big glass jar and make some sun tea or, if you insist on cooking, make yourself a solar oven. 

If you’d like to see more tips by people who have experience in this, check out my inspiration, thisoldhouse.com  and realsimple.com.

OK, so those are the tips from the experts who deal with these temperatures every year.  But what are your extra special Northwest tips?  Are you hanging out in the basement with your wort?  Calling in sick to spend the week at Alki?  Indulging in a free pint of Starbucks Ice Cream?  Tell me everything.