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As each new school year begins so does the annual ritual called the Children’s Birthday Party. Remember the days when your mom invited a few of your closest friends over for your birthday party?  It usually included about 5-10 friends, some from school and some from your neighborhood, the usual games of pin the tale on the donkey and other themed games, and of course, cake and ice cream. Gone are the simple yet fun birthday gatherings where family and friends all convene over cake to celebrate the turning of a new year.

Today, as I have quickly learned, it takes months to plan the perfect party for your child.  Five year olds want a theme, a local, an event.

For this, you might need an event planner, or you can venture off on your own and DIY (do it yourself).If indeed you plan it and don’t farm it out to a professional. First, there must be a theme.  This of course will set the stage and resonate throughout the event you are planning.  Yes, moms instantly become party planners when they give birth. The first party is no longer a little get together where family looks at the baby and smile as he or she smashes cake. Now all birthdays are an event. And once they reach school age the parties truly take on a life of their own. 

Once the theme is determined, and approved by your child, invitations must be created and sent out allowing ample time for a proper RSVP from guests. Remember the 20% rule for weddings?  That apparently applies for children’s birthday parties as well.  Invite about 20-25 children and about 20% will not be able to attend due to previous commitments such as other parties, sporting events, or just their normal weekly activities from tennis and swimming lessons to piano or karate. Don’t be offended as you will receive declines. I actually have hoped for more but gotten less. That was a fun year when I hoped for 10-15 kids and had 20+! I sure learned my lesson that year and that is when I instituted the old “you can invite as many kids as your age” rule. I have begun to share this philosophy with my fellow party-planning moms to various responses.  Some think it is a great idea, while others give me that “oh well I let little Buttercup (insert an exotic and distinctive child name here) invite anyone she wants.  She only turns 6, 7, 8, etc… once.”

Here is a suggestion that I learned after hosting a few of these events.  Pick an easy theme so that you don’t drive yourself crazy trying to find just the right invite, cake, party décor, guest favors, and so on. Try to remember they are just kids and believe it or not any party with their friends that includes presents, games and cake will make them very happy! We all grew up with happy childhood memories without indoor jumping zones, rock walls, and putting greens.  They will be fine.

After several years of planning and hosting these events for our son, who is turning 8 this year, my husband and I decided to do something new.  We asked our son, Colin, what he would like to do. His first idea was to race go karts.  After calling to inquire about parties at the track we found that the age minimum was 8 and since his birthday was the first many of his friends were still 7. After further thought we threw out the idea of taking some friends to a game instead of having a party. He was so excited and so we looked at sporting events in our area. We were in luck! The Philadelphia Flyers had a game on the Saturday night of his birthday weekend so we invited 3 friends and were off to the game. A colleague at work knew someone and helped us get Colin’s birthday on the birthday board.  What a cool thing this was to his friends and to Colin.  He turned to me and said “mom that is so cool! This is the best birthday ever”. My husband and I looked at each other across the row and smiled.  This is what it is all about. The kids.

I think as parents, especially parents of young children, we want to make ever birthday special.  But sometimes we forget who the party is really for.  Dads, I feel for you and what you endure in the months leading up to this event each year. There is another question that arises?  How involved should the Dads be?  I believe that depends on the relationship between the parents and of course, the all important theme.  If the theme is sports or pirates, or the like; Dad is involved.  If not, he plays a minor supporting role. The getter of ice, runner of errands day before and day of for those “I think we forgot the …” trips. In my conversation with Moms leading up to the day of the party there is a harried and “why am I doing this” tone that they all seem to have. So I ask myself, why ARE you doing it? And for whom are you doing it? We do it for them, our children.

That is why we do what we do.  So through it all remember that while they may not know all you did to make their birthday a hit, they will remember their birthday parties with their friends. So make it fun, have fun and watch the smiles grow. As that is what truly matters.   Have fun and enjoy the party!