Things I Don’t Wish for This Christmas: 16 Really Bad Gift Ideas
Christmas is not about the gifts, regardless of what the stores are trying to shove down our throats. However, there are definitely some gifts that I would rather not receive. Here’s a sampling.
You know the presents that I mean, the gift that is continually recycled at your office’s gift exchange. There’s a ton of “novelty gifts” out there. Some of them just simply aren’t that novel though. There’s a bunch of gifts that when received, you just don’t know what to do with. Or there’s gifts that are practical but just really weird to receive. I love kids because they’re totally honest no matter how you try to get them to say “thank you” or to tell people that they “loved” their gift even if they didn’t. This article will peruse those bad gifts, weird gifts and things that the receiver was just not expecting!
These are called Giant Plush Microbes and are sold at many locations. They are stuffed replicas of different bacteria, a million times their actual size. My daughter received herpes from her Uncle last Christmas. Boy, that’s a sentence you really hate to have to say! They also have things like the plague, gangrene, salmonella, heartworm, ebola and head lice. I’m not sure that I want my kids playing with any of these!
I have to admit that I’ve given Spam as a gift! But when your brother-in-law buys herpes for your daughter, what are you supposed to get him? This guy’s smile sure looks a little forced.
Here’s a weird image from Rob Sheridan. If people place gifts in wrapped boxes then of course, wrapped boxes would put gifts in humans! I think that the feet hanging above the fireplace instead of stockings are a nice touch.
This is hysterical and was actually received by one Flickr user for Christmas. Can you imagine a bird actually living in this birdhouse? Any extra grass poking out of the opening would look pretty disgusting. This one is pretty funny though.
Um, wow. Thanks for the Polident. I was running low. It’s the perfect thing! At least this guy seems pretty amused by it. I like the really fancy box that it was wrapped in.
This one has to be my favourite. It was given to a mother by a daughter. The card reads “I love you! You will always have my heart!”. Hysterical, funny and gross all at the same time! I especiallly love the tag on the heart package — Cannibal Meat Market naturally flavoured heart”. I love that it’s Made in China. It proves my theory that everything is made there.
These speakers have got to be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen. What would you even do with those? I guess this is how the Goodwill store always ends up with the oddest assortment of stuff.
This picture just struck me as funny — it’s curlers in the package although my perverted mind first mistook them for something else. Between the shape of the curlers and the look on this lady’s face, I was completely laughing out loud when I saw it.
Hmmm, I wonder what this could be? Awesome wrapping job, it must have taken forever! I bought my mom a pair of slippers for Christmas. I wonder if I could use the same sort of wrapping technique on them?
How often do people arm wrestle that they need a gadget for it? I suppose that guys would like this though. I like what it says on the side of the box: “Better be mean or ready to scream!”. It’s probably a lot more fun to watch people play this than to actually do it yourself. Maybe it’s one of those things that requires beer.
This “Massager” is wrong in so many ways that I find it really difficult to say anything. Maybe we’ll just leave it at that.
Home made gifts are always from the heart. This guy got a container filled with potpourri and Christmas lights topped off with a doily and ribbon. He loving refers to it as “the fire starter”. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s a fire hazard because of the lights and potpurri combination or if he just wants to use it as kindling. You be the judge — I think his expression says it all!
Wow, a complete drum set. I really, really, really don’t want my kids to receive this for Christmas. This kid looks like he’s having a great time. I hope it came with ear plugs for the parents to wear!
This ornament is surely a keeper. Christmas is a time for…”Geesis”. I’m not sure that this one should be given to Grandma or Grandpa this Christmas unless they’ve really got a great sense of humor! It sure made me laugh.
I love this kid’s face. It just says it all. Wow, thanks for the socks. Funny, I always give my kids socks for Christmas.
Look at this poor kid. His parent’s sent him on a scavenger hunt for his gifts on Christmas morning and this is what he found at the end of it. And I thought a lump of coal was a bad gift! He must have been really rotten before Christmas. He did end up getting his gift though after his parents had a laugh at his expense. Ah, Christmas! I just can’t wait.
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32 Comments
Karen Gross, posted this comment on Dec 11th, 2008
My dad keeps reminding me that when he was a child, he got peanuts for Christmas. Literally. On Christmas eve, each of the nine children in the family put a bowl at their place at the table. Someone would always be a wise guy and put the bread mixing bowl at their spot. In the morning, there would be peanuts, candy, an orange, and hopefully a small gift in the bowl. The person who set our the mixing bowl got the same amount, but it looked like less.
Christian M Archer, posted this comment on Dec 11th, 2008
I nearly fell into the floor laughing, especially at the herpes…how many drugs do you have to be on to think that’s a great gift? Wonderful, very funny article!
Sotiris, posted this comment on Dec 11th, 2008
Great gifts! I liked the socks one! What kind of present is that? You can buy socks everyday!
Debra., posted this comment on Dec 11th, 2008
Excellent article, Paula. I can tell that you put a lot of vision into this work. It was interesting and oh, so funny! God bless…
Veronica Foudroyant, posted this comment on Dec 11th, 2008
Very droll! great pics. loved your comment on the massager.
Launie and Melynda Sorrels, posted this comment on Dec 11th, 2008
What a funny article…I’ll keep some of these in mind for those irritating family members this year 
. Nice post.
Anthony M Jones, posted this comment on Dec 11th, 2008
Wow that last pic is just….wow….heh
Joanna McKay, posted this comment on Dec 11th, 2008
LOL!!! no kidding… i hope my husband doesn’t get any “bright ideas” from this… LOL!!!
Eunice Tan, posted this comment on Dec 11th, 2008
Good article Paula! Make us re-think when we should give a gift to somebody.
A R Gordon, posted this comment on Dec 12th, 2008
I have all the microplushies 
I think they are amazing.
Yovita Siswati, posted this comment on Dec 12th, 2008
Very funny and interesting articles. I like the last one.
Bryan Swann, posted this comment on Dec 12th, 2008
I did like your article a lot. Very funny and entertaining. You are a very talented writer.
Paula Mitchell Bentley, posted this comment on Dec 12th, 2008
Wow, so many nice comments. Thanks everybody! I do wonder if some of these are just from my husband using a different name though…they’re too good to be true!
Merry Christmas everybody.
Mary Patricia Bird, posted this comment on Dec 12th, 2008
These are priceless. Great remarks. Thanks for the laughs.
Nelson Doyle, posted this comment on Dec 13th, 2008
Hi Paula,
I must agree with all of the other readers, that this is a funny article that is so well-written. I do look forward to reading some of your other writings.
God Bless,
Nelson Doyle
Traysee, posted this comment on Dec 13th, 2008
haha!
the mother to daughter gift has to take the cake!
eddiego65, posted this comment on Dec 13th, 2008
Very interestingly funny article. Thanks for sharing!
Lost in Arizona, posted this comment on Dec 13th, 2008
Lol! Brings back memories from my childhood.. underwear as stocking stuffers, and a sweater with Christmas lights that actually lit up. I tried my best that morning to figure out what I had done to deserve that stuff, but now that I look back on it, I just laugh. The spam present is funny.. and the presents unwrapping humans is a wee bit unnerving..lol! HAppy Holidays.
Virginia Wolfe, posted this comment on Dec 14th, 2008
i dont know what is better the socks or the gifts opening their christmas gifts!
Milton H Peebles III, posted this comment on Dec 14th, 2008
My dad and his three brother try to outdo each other each year on who can give the worst present to the other. One year my dad found a cow skull and gave it to one of his brohers. Every other year that cow skull shows up as a gift to someone. I know that some year I am going to get that thing. It is at the top of my DO NOT WISH FOR LIST.
Betty Carew, posted this comment on Dec 15th, 2008
What a wonderful article, i truly enjoyed it. I love a good laugh and you gave me that, Thanks
Catelin Hoover, posted this comment on Dec 15th, 2008
Paula, you have left me totally speechless on this one. Where on planet earth were some of these novelties created…and I can’t imagine the mind behind some of them. Still this was all very interesting
Unofre Pili, posted this comment on Dec 16th, 2008
entertaining and interesting article.
Christy Tuller, posted this comment on Dec 16th, 2008
This is great! My kids keep asking for a drum set for Christmas. I tell them no way, not going to happen! It is fun giving other people’s kids noise making gifts. They’ve done it to us so often! Great article!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope you get some great gifts this year.
lilymom, posted this comment on Dec 16th, 2008
That was really funny. I got a nice chuckle at the spam and the polident and can honestly say that I have never recieved anything like either of them.
Happy Holidays!
Marli Diz, posted this comment on Dec 16th, 2008
You want to know what i got…
I’ve got boy toys when i was a little gurl.
I ain’t no tom-boy! lol
John Hopkins, posted this comment on Dec 16th, 2008
Had a wonderful time looking at all the pictures and such. good post.
Radish, posted this comment on Dec 23rd, 2008
HAHaaha!! This gave me a nice chuckle!..
Mark Bentley, posted this comment on Jan 3rd, 2009
Funny list! I love some of the choices. It is pretty funny how many of these gifts my family has given. Because of Monty Python references I can think of at least three people who got Spam in the last year (including a vegetarian who we).
Betsie, posted this comment on Dec 26th, 2009
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this hilarious article! I am one of those people who begins to think about what is the best gift to give each person on 12/26 THIS year for NEXT year! I stock up on elaborate gift wrapping accessories so that the “perfect” gift is wrapped in “perfect” style. As gifts are exchanged I look down at some of the hideous packages in my pile of gifts! I should know enough by now to realize that the hideous gift wrapping is in better condition than the even worse hideous gift it is concealing! I thank you for making me realize that there are others in the same spot as me and there are others that even top my worst gift ever! I try to handle those awful gifts I receive with humor and it is nice to know that I am not alone!
Vic, posted this comment on Dec 30th, 2009
This is a great list. I love the gift wrapped Jacket, priceless. I created a new site dedicated to really bad gifts http://reallybadgifts.com and if your really bad gift gets selected as the worst you win $100 to buy yourself a good gift.
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papaleng, posted this comment on Dec 11th, 2008
some nice inventories. thanks for the info.